When September Ends.

You know they say life is short.  They say you wake up one day, and on that day all of your dreams and everything you wished for and wanted are gone.  Just like that.  People get old and things change and situations change.  What I want is this moment, this day, to last forever.

Six years ago today, we lost Keith.  September 26, 2006.  I was a freshmen in high school.  In fact, I was wearing a white t-shirt and black shorts.  I was in PE.  As I was walking into the locker room to change, I saw Diana.  She was crying and I looked at her and I just knew.  I told her to leave me alone and I walked away.  Cydnee came into the locker room, grabbed me, and dragged me out to meet Tanna.  It was a really hard day.  It was a really hard week.  Heck, it was a really hard YEAR.

Although the years gap and time accumulates, the memories remain.  Without fail, every September is a dreadful one.  I relive the days, the process, and the heartache.  When it all first happened, I stayed home from school for weeks and all I did was sleep.  I think I slept for a solid three days with no interruptions.  I cried and I cried and I cried.

At the funeral, there were tons of beautiful speakers.  Everyone kept the ick out and we just remembered the good.  They talked about you and how you were in your day to day life.  Right after the cemetery, everyone gathered at the house.  I remember standing in the backyard, the rain pouring over me, and for the first time in weeks, I felt you there with me.  As the rain poured, so did my tears.  But for the first time, it was good tears.  With every drop on my cheek, it felt as if you were embracing me.  I'll never forget that.

Every September I do this.  I remember you.  I sit and I go through every detail of that day.  I still cry.  I hate September.  I hate the 26th. Wake me up when September ends.

The Waiting Place.

The Waiting Place.....for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come,

or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow, 

or waiting around for a Yes or a No, or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for the wind to fly a kite,

or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake,

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break, or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

NO! That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.

You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.

-Dr. Seuss

I love Dr. Seuss.  In a short childish poem, he conveys the wisest message.  And I've done exactly as he says.  I've waited......and I've waited....aannnddd I've waited.  I've been in the Waiting Place for years now.  I've waited on others, I've waited on me, I've waited to to turn into a grown up, not wild nor free.  

I've waited for fate to run its course, and I have waited for love to grow.  I love when Dr. Seuss says 'you'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.'  That's for me.  I'm off to bigger and better things.  I'll find the dashing young prince, the bag pipes a-blowing, and all the while I'll be growing and growing.  

I still think a part of me will always be waiting on you, and I can't change that until my heart decides to un-anchor.  But I can continue down a path filled with confetti and chiming bells.  I'll march to my own beat, I'll dance to my own swing, and through it all,  I'll be silly ol' ME.