Reality Check.

I like myself better when I think less of me and more of others.  I like how I get a warm tingling feeling in my body from the gratitude of serving.  It's so easy to get caught up in the vanities of the world.  What shoes I want to buy, what movie I want to see, how I want to supe my car up.  And believe me, when I buy those pair of boots that I've been dying to get my hands on, it's an amazing feeling.  I feel so accomplished, like I fulfilled the goals met in order to reward myself.  And rewarding yourself IS important.  But I think I over-reward myself.  You know? I think I give myself too much and give others too little.

You're familiar with the saying "give more than what you can take", right? My parents are walking proof of this statement.  My whole life I've watched my parents give.  They have housed multiple children in their home to provide a safe haven.  This often meant no new school clothes for me, no expensive dance lessons, no seven peaks pass, and no trips to Hawaii.  Very little did we go out and very little did we indulge in fine dining.

More often than not,  I've watched others receive these lavishing Christmases, senior trips, expensive cars, and an amazing wardrobe.  Believe me, at times I wasn't the best player.  I've had my fair share of feeling jealous, left out, angry, and different.

Since I've become 'independent', holding my own job, paying my own bills, buying my own stuff.  I've tried to overcompensate for my past.  I now buy the Steve Madden boots, I shop at Nordstrom, I take multiple trips with friends, I see the latest movies on the Big Screen.  And believe me, it's great.  Spending MY money on ME is rewarding.  But no thank you.

This last week Christian's family bought me a watch.  It was the sweetest gesture.  When Rich handed it over to me Christian was just smiling and laughing.  I dang near almost cried on the spot.  I wear the watch ALL the time! And every time I put it on I feel like a million bucks!

In return, I went to Walmart and I picked up a new movie for Chris to watch in the day and a couple pairs of nice cozy socks! I wrote him a Thank You card and delivered it to him on Thursday.  When I read Christian the card and I handed him his presents, he just smiled and smiled.  And right then, in that moment, I realized that I'd been doing it all wrong.  I need to give more.

I loved how I felt this week, spending time with Christian and exchanging gifts.  I was sorry that it took Christian giving me a gift for me to give him one.  But lesson learned.  Y'all can be expecting some more giving from me!!

Lessons learned in a dire need in my life.